Sayonara, Bookie!

This was the topic a few months ago at one of our MeetUp Bible studies in Manhattan.  The topic was refreshed in my mind this morning when I read an e-mail from a good friend.  This friend contacted me to let me know she has  moved,  settled into a wonderful new church home, and works a job that fulfills both her natural and spiritual desires.  There was also an addendum:  With this great transition in her life, she lost less than a handful of “life-long” friends.  She so aptly stated in her own words, there was no reason to hang onto relationships simply because of a common past, where there was no gel in the present or foreseen future.

We often hear that we’ve got to let things and people go to get where God is taking us.  This statement, in and of itself, needs to be applied to each and every one of us at some point in our lives.  Sometimes, we’ve got to ask ourselves-do a self-check-is this severing something that comes because it is necessary?  Time?  A sober decision? Or, because we are feeling ourselves and what was good before is no longer good enough because we think we’re getting somewhere. (Sometimes pride, arrogance, and a false sense of identity can lead to the end, “I gotta let some people go.”)

I read the e-mail and snickered, because I thought, “Sayonara, Bookies!”  I remembered the life the friend once knew, that no one would wish on an enemy.  But, the life girlfriend knew wasn’t one that she could not withstand.  She is an exemplary demonstration of God’s grace and what He will do for each of us, no matter where we have “come from”.  Of course, she would have to let dead weight go.  Just because things are hard, doesn’t mean something is DEAD.  All relationships require much sacrifice and work.  Yet, sometimes there is a death in what we have known for most of our lives-or at least is dear to our hearts-and that is often unpleasant.  So, my reply included a light-hearted yet sincere thought:  Certainly she had to let the dead weight go, because otherwise she would stink.  Dead weight is DEAD.  Where there is no LIFE and death exists, know that death has an assignment and an odor.

We often carry around dead weight out of obligation (that’s my relative), compassion (I feel sorry for that one or feel this one’s burden), loyalty (this one is a good friend and I trust this one), indebtedness (that one has always been there for me; I can count on that one when no one else is willing), familiarity (I already know this one and am comfortable, so instead of having to start all over), and genuine concern (that one needs help and I am able to help).  Regardless of how the dead thing dies–whether it was from natural causes, a cancer, or murder–when something dies, it is dead.  There is no more life, and to stay connected to a dead thing means we are connected to a carcass or former posture of something that once held life.  Why carry the weight of the lifeless?  Why stay connected to what carries a stench?  Dead relationships make us drained, weary, halted, aggravated, frustrated, and often cause us to divert well-needed purpose and energy to tending to the dead, instead of nurturing what is ALIVE.  Even when a rare portion of us are so attached to the dead that we preserve the stature of what once lived-we often keep ourselves emotionally tied to what was, and no longer is.  It’s nice to be reminded, but through the things that bring life, not the former stature of what is now dead, which has no value.

It’s time to put some dead relationships to rest.  Some of us know they’ve been dead for a LONG time, and that is why there is no life from the life we deposit into them.  There is no return, or growth because they are DEAD.  Toxicity is not good.  Mere toleration of you-from those that don’t even like you, or want to be around you-is not good.  Yes, we should be celebrated and not just tolerated, provided we are not being tolerated solely because we are intolerable (this is not a motto for monsters).  As we are real with the real self, we must also be real with whether we are carrying that which is DEAD to US.   Don’t be afraid to let DEAD weight go, because if there is the chance of resurrection, it will take place at the appointed time.

So, I thought of this entire process we may put ourselves through as we try to hold onto people who are no longer part of our future, destiny, and purpose in life.  We can spend years trying to resuscitate the DEAD, to no avail, and wonder why we are limp and almost lifeless ourselves to the ones to whom we are connected, and need to pour into.  We can considerably stagnate our own progress when sometimes, the next step of life will position us in a place that the DEAD weight will also be seen, so we can’t go on until we disconnect and clean up.  The “sayonara” is necessary to say farewell to the” Bookie”, whoever he may be, endeared or tolerated, that fits requirements for a pink slip.  We may cry harder than Bookie, but sometimes, Bookie just has to go, or we’ve got to move on.

SAYONARA BOOKIE.